Muddy Water Is Muddy Water

Ahh, so I may or may not have mentioned previously that I earn my $$$ on a farm. And as I'm sure you are aware, farms see their share of thrashers, bangers, stuck cars and minor fires. So, from the depths of my brain, here is a sampling of some of me and my farm-bros'sz vehicular good times.


This one guy had an amazing old falcon wagon that he started with a screwdriver, it was doing fine until the whole front end just kinda dropped out one day. There's another story with that car which involves a female, copious amounts of alcohol and a slice of pizza. But that's not a story for your eyes, fine readers. His next car had a fertiliser bag for a back window which did nothing to keep water out whenever I was in the back seat and he decided that he simply must drive through dat puddle. On the subject of windows out, that magna I had and hated got reversed into (THANKS TRUCK!) and I was out a drivers side window and a crushed shut front door for the rainiest month of the year a couple years back. That was awesome. Had to get in through the front passenger seat which, when you're all tall and white and uncoordinated like I am, is massively appealing to all who view it. Ladies.


Rain always brings the fun. Some awesome dude in a semi attempted to reverse up the driveway and slid off the side, almost *almost* rolling over. Not two days later some drunken asshat in a douchey jacked up pick-up tried, and failed, the same reverse up the driveway trick. Both times I watched with a mixture of glee, bafflement and anger, seeing the future of these fellow road users before it happened.


I myself have pulled many a fellow employee out of muddy strife during my precious lunch breaks with my mad tractor skillz.


And thus, we come, to the tractors. Oh yeah. Just you try driving tractors around a hilly farm in the wet, wet bookends of summer. (CURSES TO YOU, NOVEMBER AND FEBRUARY), see how long you go before losing control and ending up in a dam or with a tractor on you. Both my boss and his father have flipped tractors onto them and we've alllllll slid our ways up and down hills. Sometimes intentional. Sometimes not. I literally saved my own life by wedging a runaway tractor/trailer combo between four trees. I was heading quickly towards a rather steep embankment. MINIMAL DAMAGE YERRRR!
We've had chunks flying, toes runover, tyres fall off and last year I reversed into a drain 'cause who knew that when you reverse you gotta check what's behind you.


FARMS AND MUD AND HILLS AND TWO-WHEEL DRIVE MAN. HOW DO THEY WORK?

I am sure your super awesome imaginations make up for my unfortunate lack of photographic proof to all these tales.

Word.

-anxzibitinyoxzibit