Obviously, the vehicle that sits
comfortably atop the pile of glory that is Worst Car Ever is my
ex-magna. Una pieza de mierda que I sincerely hope is rotting
somewhere. Seriously, fine readers, heed my advice. Do not buy a car
off a dude in Penrith with a weird hook-finger. It will only bring
you sorrow, suffering and extreme poverty. Every day your man here
was all like “¡Esta
weá no funciona, vete a la mierda!”
Actually,
that mid-nineties era of Magnas are kinda all like, wow. Or maybe
that's just my experience. CONFIRMATION BIAS.
A friend once had an old, possibly
built in the 70's, I really don't know, Renault. Eat my embedded
sentences YEAH! It was pretty suck. It would forget about the whole
handbrake/park thang from time to time and he would return to find it
gently resting on whatever happened to be downhill from wherever it was he
had decided to park. Awesome. To be fair doe, that car was merely
old and cannot be held entirely to blame for what are essentially
little more than the charms and quirks of a well-aged machine.
No, no, if we are truly talking 'Worst
Car' it's not fair to pick on one that did all that was required of
it until eventually, it collapsed in upon itself. Rather, we must
acknowledge these monumental clusterfucks that get produced and suck
from day zero. These vehicles that somehow manage to slip through
R&D, trials, prototypes, taste, logic 'n all dat. Our very own creations that
slide on out the other side of a production line as some sort of
obnoxious, in-yo-face monstrosity of design, motoring and human
achievement. Something like, well, here's the thing. I don't know.
Sure I could google and pretend like I know. But I'm an honest man,
man. My heart wouldn't be in it. Sure, I could rant about a certain
Pontiac Aztec or that one Pinto but I don't really know what I'm
talking about.
What I do know though, is that this
blog entry is going to leave you with similar feels to those provided
by a shitty car. Sure, it fills a need and there is a fair-to-good
chance it will get you where you need to be but you cannot help but
feel disappointed, frustrated, cheated and a little uglier for being associated
with it.
For that I am sorry.
Not really.
My reviews are so average they aren't
even really reviews.
Video unrelated:
Word.
-anxzibitinyoxzibit
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