You Ain't Got No Alibi

So I have this friend. I don't wanna put his business out there but whenever I look at him, I think two things;

1) Where is this money he owes me?

and

2) What kind of mortal sin did his parents commit to provoke sweet baby Jesus into beating the crap out of this guy with an ugly stick? DON'T EVEN BOTHER GOING TO CHURCH OR PRAYING. AIN'T NO SAVING THIS POOR BOY NOW.

This is how I feel about the following cars. I couldn't decide on any single car so I'm just going to put a whole bunch of cars on blast real quick for you. 

Say hello to the Ssangyong Rodius.

OH MY BUDDHA WHAT IS THAT

The Rodius is a 7-seater and aurraaaaaaaaaAAAUUUGHHH. LOOK AT IT. LOOK AT THE BACK. It's like the Korean dudes designing this were planning the car starting from the front then at the back, when they should have stopped they were like "Nah keep going, keep going, keep going. STOP. NOW ADD AN UGLY-AS-HELL BACK PANEL. SWEET. 완벽 하군. NOW LET'S PLAY STARCRAFT AYE?"

I can not believe that something this ugly came from the same country which produced Girl's Generation. Augh, I can't even look at it anymore. Next.

Tongji Auto Fuel Cell Powered Roadster

This abomination is Tongji Auto's (yeah, I have no idea) new concept roadster unveiled at the 2013 Shanghai Auto Show. It looks like the aliens that made the ships in the Halo games were like "You know what? I'm tired of riding around my Type 32 RAV. And tired of getting shot down by Master Chief. I WAN'T A VACATION. AND A CAR TO GO WITH IT. ALIEN MIDLIFE CRISIS." The front is nasty. It looks like Kha'Zix from League of Legends had a baby with a Magikarp. The windshield is too tall. Especially since the average height of the dudes buying this car will be around 4"11-5"2 at the most. And the fact that they chose Pedophile Magenta as the colour does not help. Yuck. 

Subaru Tribeca

Finally, the 2006 Subaru Tribeca. I have a story. I was sitting in a car with my then-girlfriend (SHUT UP, I'M ALRIGHT) and I saw a Subaru Tribeca for the first time. I was so disgusted and taken aback by the design of this thing that I nearly fishtailed the car in front of me. I had to park the car and weep. WEEP. AND SOB. The sides of this thing are decent enough looking, but then you get to the front. THE FRONT. It looks like Mr Subaru got his little boy to go on MS Paint and make a car. He got a little bit excited with the rounded-cornered rectangles and then that was that. Whenever I see this car on the road, I feel really sad. Sometimes I feel like I need to seek out help for it. I'm not even angry. Just sad. /sigh.

-Ramonito