Runnin' With the Devil

Hola, my name is Ramonito, your friendly, slightly Mexican car reviewer. What's that? You smell sulfur? RED DEVIL COMIN' FOR YOU. Today I will be reviewing my beloved whip, the Red Devil. There may or may not be pictures depending on whether or not she lets me close to her today. She's camera shy, you see.

The Red Devil is actually a 1994 Toyota Corolla (I know right? FRIGGIN' BEAST). She was bestowed upon me by my parents who hustled her off of a mate in game of mahjong. She's got low kms for her age, as she was only used during full moons for ritualistic purposes, and for picking up kids from school 5 minutes away. Just walk, far out. Anyway, she packs a whopping 0.8L engine, because clearly 1L engines wouldn't make sense at all. She's got no window tint 'cause she ain't scared of a little melanoma. She has no cup holders because don't drink and drive obviously. Only the front speakers work consistently because if you're sitting in the back, I don't want you to hear what kind of music I'm playing. She's dark red just like Satan. She's got these sick, black plastic hub caps which were given to me by Santa Claus for Christmas 2010 (YEAH, I STILL BELIEVE, WHAT?). Overall, I would say that she looks like a red Batmobile, if Batman was a poor Filipino boy.

OH, BUT HOW SHE RUNS. Don't let her 0.8L fool you, this baby packs a poke. How much of a poke? Try 0-100 in about 2 minutes on the M4. Holla. I've never gone to 110 though because my car started shaking. She takes hills like a cyclist of average fitness, unless you turn on the air conditioning, in which case you have about as much horsepower as a pram with fat twins in it. CHILDHOOD OBESITY. NOT FUNNY. She seems to run faster when I play Van Halen on my iPod. She handles like a Mario Kart ever since I got the left drive shaft replaced. Not sure what that means, but my mechanic didn't speak English very well so he must be good. I can now successfully evade police* and have done so on several occasions.

*if they are parked 

Now please excuse me while I attempt to take some pictures of this elusive creatures. I may or may not return, so here is a video to watch while I'm away. Wish me luck.

WHEW. WELL. THAT WAS A CLOSE ONE. I had to Steve Irwin my way around her in order to get some good shots but I managed to get them. Here's a few pictures of the Red Devil in her natural habitat, my driveway.

The Red Devil

Them Rims

Interior. Those brown stains are chocolate, I promise.

Back seat. aka my dining room.

Poor Filipino Batman in a poor Filipino Batmobile

So that's my ride. Respect her or she will eat you. Posting this a day early, I'm going on a road trip tomorrow. RED DEVIL RIDIN'. Laters

-Ramonito